My friend is in trouble
Hi people!
Well, this is my very first entry so i don't really know howshall I start off.
I guess I will start off my sharing with you about the situation my friend is in.
My friend is 18 turning 19 this year has started working at this dental clinic after her A level. She met this really cute dentist who has hit 30 years old already and married. Initially, when she mentioned about him we just thought that there was no big deal about it. After all it never went into our head that our friend would have something more to do with this married dentist. 9 months has passed since she first started working at that dental clinic. Recently, I was talking to her regarding this matter about quiting her job since she started schooling already. The more we shared, the more I learn about things between this dentist and her. Well, in fact I know about these things from my other friends and got worried. So i sort of lead her into telling me. I started telling her to be becareful, all in all he is a married man. I got even more worried when I found out that they are already holding hands and going out once a week. Being her good friend, I thought I have the responsibility to tell her that if something were to happen, she will be the one getting hurt as well as the dentist's wife. She said she wont be and that she doesnt care about his wife because all she knows is that he is really important and she will not leave him. The more I say, the more defensive and agitated she became. So i ended off telling her to be happy since she has already decided so firmly on it.
And because of this, she is rather pissed off with me. So it will really be helpful, if you people out there can help comment on it.
thanks!
Well, this is my very first entry so i don't really know howshall I start off.
I guess I will start off my sharing with you about the situation my friend is in.
My friend is 18 turning 19 this year has started working at this dental clinic after her A level. She met this really cute dentist who has hit 30 years old already and married. Initially, when she mentioned about him we just thought that there was no big deal about it. After all it never went into our head that our friend would have something more to do with this married dentist. 9 months has passed since she first started working at that dental clinic. Recently, I was talking to her regarding this matter about quiting her job since she started schooling already. The more we shared, the more I learn about things between this dentist and her. Well, in fact I know about these things from my other friends and got worried. So i sort of lead her into telling me. I started telling her to be becareful, all in all he is a married man. I got even more worried when I found out that they are already holding hands and going out once a week. Being her good friend, I thought I have the responsibility to tell her that if something were to happen, she will be the one getting hurt as well as the dentist's wife. She said she wont be and that she doesnt care about his wife because all she knows is that he is really important and she will not leave him. The more I say, the more defensive and agitated she became. So i ended off telling her to be happy since she has already decided so firmly on it.
And because of this, she is rather pissed off with me. So it will really be helpful, if you people out there can help comment on it.
thanks!
posted by Chloe at
1:24 AM
6 Comments:
you did the right thing. as her good friend, you can only give her advices, its really up to her to decide what she wants.
I was somewhat in the same situation as you last year. a really good friend of mine was seeing a guy who lied to her about his age. he told her he was 26 but he is actually 34, and my friend is only 20. yeah age isn't the main thing here. its the way he treated her. oh by the way, he isnt married. he is 34, doesn't have a stable job and income, still playing online games like AUDITION, getting to know little xiao meimeis and going clubbing having one night stands.
a rational person wouldn't want to marry this kind of guy...right? or is it just me? lols.. i gave her advices and stuff, but it was just like wad u said, she grew defensive and said that i shouldn't comment so much since i don't know him well.
yep. she married him in the end. it is still her very own choice lah. we are still good friends anyway!
so the conclusion~
u did the right thing. u did try to give her advices, but its a pity she didnt appreciate ur goodwill. on the other hand, if u tried influencing and changing her, she will come blaming u for everything. u get wad i mean?
lol.. omg, i think i typed too much.
There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
let us access the facts here:
1) she is 18 and has her life in front of her.
2) he is in his 30s and is married.
i have nothing against couple with big differences. what i'm trying to point out here is that if he is supposed to have passed maturity, what are his thoughts of cheating on his wife? and if he can rationalize this thought, then maybe there is a difference between his physical and mental age?
3 questions need to be asked:
1) what does she want?
2) what does he want?
3) what outcome does she expect of this?
if 1. and 2. are the same, then there is a higher chance of 3. happening. if not, this saga will be equal to planting a seed which will never sprout or take root.
wow. i really like the first two comments, as in, they made me think. Just curious, Jsquared, hows your friend's marriage working out right now?
And Zed,you put it very well. If what he wants, is what she wants, they'll probably get sumwhere. Morally, i will have to disagree strongly with the whole idea in the first place. I cannot imagine being married to my wife, and have her friends advocate her cheating on me. It's just... wrong.
But what is true love, anyway? I really don't know. If this is it, well then i rest my case. But if he turns out to be a jerk, i hope she'll be able to handle the fallout. She must also understand that the longer this drags, the wife is bound to find out, is she prepared to deal with that? Ask her how she will feel if one day she's the one who gets cheated on.
The guy is rich, i get it. He's a dentist. But he doesn't seem like a good person, he clearly doesn't take his marriage vows seriously. OH then again it might just be my perceptual bias, that guys who cheat on their wives do not see like good people. Oh wait, i'm sorry, the fact is, they're JERKS!
In any case, be her friend, even when you tell her it's wrong. Don't stress yourself over this, but do keep a look out for her (=
she is doing good now, but of course there will still be quarrels about money issues. thats very common for newleds. the good thing is, at least she didn't regret the choice she made. =)
plus, her baby is really cute!!
=D
Sighs, why is it that someone who's supposedly so damn smart in her studies become so, so naive when it comes to such matters of the 'heart'.
She'll definitely be the loser in this re'ship. There's no way it can ever progress to something else, why would a successful dentist in his 30's ever want to have anything to do with a young, unsophisticated, 19-year old who's barely out of her teens? Shame on the dentist for preying on such a young girl, such MEN are goddamn paedophilic jerks!
Her parents ought to know and put a stop to this. It is a very, very unhealthy re'ship for your fren to be in, she'll be quite scarred for life if this goes on. I know of gals who have flings with married men etc, and they always inevitably have a very warped and cycnical outlook on love, commitment and all that jazz, which i find, very sad.
So, your friend is headed down this road if she continues this way. But you've done your part, and now, it's up to her to snap out of the cloud 9 she's on and wake up before she goes over the precipice...
hey.. i think that what you did was right. if your fren do not put this relationship to an end, it will not only hurt her but also his family. on the other hand, i am disgusted by the guy. he is an adult. he shud haf a more mature thinking. he shud not haf let this relationship take place right from the beginning. he is juz taking advantage of her because she's young. i hope ur fren makes the right decision..
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